Many of you know how I used to eat whole Pepperidge Farm coconut cakes. It was my binge eating food of choice.
Many years ago, I received a thoughtful question about my past bingeing behavior:
Our group...is on the 4th lesson of your Program. One of the ladies had shared one of your articles about the cake, that was one of your trigger/trouble foods. My question to you is this: I was just curious as to whether you can bring that cake into your home now without a problem OR it is a food that you can never bring into the house again? Thank you so much. I am LOVING your program."
I thought other people who need help for binge eating disorder may want to know the answer as well, so I decided to write an article about it! My response is below:
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Why I Won't Go Back to Binge Eating
"Thank you so much for your email - I am glad the program is blessing you! You asked if I can bring Pepperidge Farm coconut cake into my house.
This answer is that I could - but I don't want to!
In considering your question, I just realized that I haven't bought that cake in over 20 years.
I left "binge eating cake" behind at my old apartment.
To me, bringing that cake into our current house would be like going back to Egyptian slavery was for the Israelites (see Exodus 1:8-22). The Lord had already delivered me from that place.
Why would I want to go back to that pain and bondage?
Some of the Israelites wanted to go back once delivered because of fear.
But I don't fear because God's perfect love has cast out my old fears (1 John 4:18).
Bishop Dale Bronner once said: "Either love will bring you back or lack will drive you back."
The Lord's love always brings me back to Him. I feel complete in Him.
He is my last place of known comfort.
Since the five steps of TBYT are part of me, two foundational things have changed within me now:
- My identity is transformed: I am a royal daughter and a soldier who has joined her Father in the family business. Our family business is winning other people to Christ.
- My heart has changed too: I don't have time for any behavior that would take my focus off of our mission.
I have learned how to trust the Lord with my negative emotions when they come. I have learned to run to Him when distressed rather than burying my feelings under food.
So once again, even though I could have the cake if I wanted it, I don't want it.
I think about Hebrews 11:6 also:
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."
I have faith that God exists.
I have faith that He will reward those who seek Him - just as He says in His word.
With the Lord's reward in mind, I strive to follow Paul's advice in 2 Timothy 2:4 every day:
No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier."
While food is enjoyable, I don't allow it to entangle my life anymore. I value the Lord's reward more.
The cake is a symbol of my past entanglement. I won't go back.
A TBYT reader wrote the following and I related:
"I am afraid when I quit eating to numb myself, I will experience the full harshness of reality and it will be too overpowering..."
That old feeling was part of my binge eating symptoms! But through God's power, I was able to overcome fear and live in freedom.
I am determined to move forward into all that the Lord has for me.
I hope that is your heart's desire too! His reward is greater than anything this world has to offer.