Nicole actually wrote me many years ago in response to my “Women Food and God” book review.
She wrote that it drew her to tears and the message that God wants to heal your pain really spoke to her.
She said that it inspired her to confront her own eating behavior and to write a poem about it.
I asked Nicole if I could share her story and poem with you.
She agreed to share all of it.
I believe it will be the catalyst for others who are hurting to turn to God for comfort rather than food, just as Nicole did.
Below is her message.
For many years, I did not truly trust God for my comfort.
I begin eating to replace the pain of not having my parents in my life, then to cover or mask my fears, anxieties, or disappointments.
A few years ago, I ate also to replace my appetite for other things that I desired but could not have such as sexual pleasure and intimacy.
Funny how we use something that God gave us to enjoy and pervert it with addictive and abusive behaviors. This world and country is in denial that food is the next hit, shot, and overdose.
Marketing and the food industry has obliged us with bigger, larger, and heavier portions for our delicacies and appetites.
Just recently I read on a blog to view God as the one who loves you so much that He wants heal your pain — instead of viewing Him as condemning.
At that very moment, I became not the same.
I have been on this journey for a long time to lose the pounds of the pain; I am really set free to receive Him as my comforter.
I knew and adored Him as my redeemer, but now I trust Him as my lover and friend. I made a decision to Trust God for Comfort. I was led to write a poem about it.
Trusting God for Comfort
How can I trust you when I could not let go. When I would not say no —
How can I say yes to you, when in my mind was a “maybe.”
Once I thought I was stuck here, caught in an illusion — a dreamer deferred — it did not occur to me He died also for me to be freed in this area indeed.
Where were you comforter, when my mommy left me and my daddy stopped looking?
Where was comfort, when self-doubt, defeat, desires unmet was present?
I found comfort at 7 years old in a rice bowl, neckbones, and a glass of tea–really sweet!
All those days, I would wait and declare this is the day she would come for me — I am going to hide her in the closet so she can’t leave. She has been running for so long — I guess that is where I learned it.
Where was my comfort? — it was in the second and third plate and a Dairy Queen’s Parfait.
Broken heart, broken promises, and potential not fulfilled — I thought it was better to pretend than to feel — that they loved me, comforted me, and was the real deal.
I was so messed up, I pretended when he touched me it was a bad dream. Then, one day many years as an adult I remembered and he thought I used food because I felt so unclean. Maybe I did….
I had to ask the questions — what am I hungry for and what is eating at me?
Now on those long nights when my peace is dim and sleeping is hard, I reach out to Elohim to keep me and bring me peace. God is the only one that can make us complete.
In my singleness, He is my source of protection, refuge, comforter, and redeemer.
I trust God for a “just right, Holy Spirit filled” man that is available, willing, and actively pursuing me. Our Almighty God is waiting for us. He wants to woo, love, and dine with us.
What a beautiful dance it is to dance with the Heavenly Father!
I am a daughter of the Most High King. He is a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless. I am royal and peculiar. [He will redeem the time and heal the pain]
I am more precious than rubies.
I am valued and loved.
I am truly comforted by the Holy Spirit. He indwells and renews me daily.
I have come to learn how to Trust God for my comfort and so much more…
I rest in His Glory and I offer to you to open your heart and Trust in His comfort and receive eternal life.
©2010. All rights Reserved. No duplication.
C. N. Henderson Speak LIFE Ministries
Be blessed with health, healing, and wholeness,
Creator of the Take Back Your Temple program
P.S. When it comes to weight loss, do you often know what you should do but have a hard time doing it?
I struggled with this issue on my own weight loss journey, but I discovered that “Nothing is different until you think differently.” – Pastor James MacDonald
The value of the Take Back Your Temple program is that you will learn how to think differently through using Biblical keys to overcome obstacles. You’ll discover how to win the Spiritual and mental battle that often causes us to become inconsistent and get off-track on our weight loss journey.
Join a community of like-minded Christians losing weight and keep it off.